How the conservatives won the battle for marriage equality, but surrendered the war to transform gay culture. The second piece in a series exploring the history of the marriage equality movement, the unique role played by the Episcopal Church, and what we need to do to make marriage truly equal.
I really appreciate your perspective! One of the thoughts (or maybe questions) I have about this—as a committed Christian who is gay and in a serious, strictly monogamous relationship moving toward marriage—is how much of this simply mirrors the larger culture wars that are tearing apart American society?
Yes, queer theory is, at best, a distracting and self-sabotaging ideology that poisons meaningful conversations for gay people. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In many respects, the broader context of this conversation suggests that both fundamentalist Christian nationalism and radical liberal queer theory are strikingly similar—both are symptoms of the church’s failure to disciple its members with critical thinking and a deep trust in the Kingdom of Christ.
At their core, both extremes are driven by secular ideologies that are fundamentally at odds with Christ’s peaceful kingdom. So this doesn’t just feel like a failure of gay folks advocating for marriage. Am I missing something here?
There’s a lot there! Thank you for following and your thoughtful feedback. My thesis is actually quite simple: when we were fighting to have marriage extended to same sex couples, the original and most effective argument centered not around rights or entitlement, but a plea for inclusion in an institution our community desperately needed. We wanted the same stabilizing rules and expectations. The problem is, we never explicitly defended what we were really talking about - monogamy. The reason is because so many gay couples then and even more now, reject monogamy and believe that open marriages are entirely consistent with the institution. I am calling for the Episcopal Church - which played an enormous role in normalizing same-sex marriage to help finish the work so that marriage is not only equal in rights, it is equal in the obligations it requires.
I have a very personal stake in this effort - my ex-husband is an Episcopal priest who believed sincerely that monogamy was an outdated and unnecessary requirement. To fall into sin and break your vows is human. To deny the sin itself is corrupt. I also found that other gay priests in the Church held the same views and had open marriages that were concealed because of the clear violation of both their priestly and marital vows.
Bryan, that’s really painful! Betrayal is perhaps one of the worst emotional damages to suffer. I’m incredibly sad to hear about that! I think you’re spot on! Supposed professing christians calling polyamory amoral, in some cases moral, is evil! It is not a victimless crime. Often there seems to be a silencing of those victims in the name of progressive ‘open mindedness’. It’s sickening to hear the ways you’ve been sinned against! Have you followed Reformation Project or Matthew Vines? He’s not Episcopalian but his organization is a Christian affirming ‘landing pad’ so to speak, that is openly criticizing the toxic and hurtful views of Queer Theory.
Well, it definitely sounds like this indeed is an issue of discipleship! We intensely need the institution of the church right now helping us to think critically and follow in way of our Lord! If the church fails to do this, secular post modernism is MORE than willing to jump in to fill the void! It sounds like your ex husband is a prime example of church clergy acquiescing to the insanity of the false gospel of post modernism.
I really appreciate your perspective! One of the thoughts (or maybe questions) I have about this—as a committed Christian who is gay and in a serious, strictly monogamous relationship moving toward marriage—is how much of this simply mirrors the larger culture wars that are tearing apart American society?
Yes, queer theory is, at best, a distracting and self-sabotaging ideology that poisons meaningful conversations for gay people. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In many respects, the broader context of this conversation suggests that both fundamentalist Christian nationalism and radical liberal queer theory are strikingly similar—both are symptoms of the church’s failure to disciple its members with critical thinking and a deep trust in the Kingdom of Christ.
At their core, both extremes are driven by secular ideologies that are fundamentally at odds with Christ’s peaceful kingdom. So this doesn’t just feel like a failure of gay folks advocating for marriage. Am I missing something here?
There’s a lot there! Thank you for following and your thoughtful feedback. My thesis is actually quite simple: when we were fighting to have marriage extended to same sex couples, the original and most effective argument centered not around rights or entitlement, but a plea for inclusion in an institution our community desperately needed. We wanted the same stabilizing rules and expectations. The problem is, we never explicitly defended what we were really talking about - monogamy. The reason is because so many gay couples then and even more now, reject monogamy and believe that open marriages are entirely consistent with the institution. I am calling for the Episcopal Church - which played an enormous role in normalizing same-sex marriage to help finish the work so that marriage is not only equal in rights, it is equal in the obligations it requires.
I have a very personal stake in this effort - my ex-husband is an Episcopal priest who believed sincerely that monogamy was an outdated and unnecessary requirement. To fall into sin and break your vows is human. To deny the sin itself is corrupt. I also found that other gay priests in the Church held the same views and had open marriages that were concealed because of the clear violation of both their priestly and marital vows.
Bryan, that’s really painful! Betrayal is perhaps one of the worst emotional damages to suffer. I’m incredibly sad to hear about that! I think you’re spot on! Supposed professing christians calling polyamory amoral, in some cases moral, is evil! It is not a victimless crime. Often there seems to be a silencing of those victims in the name of progressive ‘open mindedness’. It’s sickening to hear the ways you’ve been sinned against! Have you followed Reformation Project or Matthew Vines? He’s not Episcopalian but his organization is a Christian affirming ‘landing pad’ so to speak, that is openly criticizing the toxic and hurtful views of Queer Theory.
The betrayal runs deeper than one broken marriage - it's a broken promise by a church and a movement
Well, it definitely sounds like this indeed is an issue of discipleship! We intensely need the institution of the church right now helping us to think critically and follow in way of our Lord! If the church fails to do this, secular post modernism is MORE than willing to jump in to fill the void! It sounds like your ex husband is a prime example of church clergy acquiescing to the insanity of the false gospel of post modernism.
https://baptistnews.com/article/to-queer-or-not-to-queer-that-is-the-question/