Who Will Lead? The Episcopal Church's Forgotten Mission
A Call To Action
Over the course of this series, we have traced the long arc of marriage equality—how the Episcopal Church played a central role in opening its doors to same-sex couples, how the arguments that won over hearts and minds ultimately betrayed the promise it made, and why marriage itself is not just a personal institution but a civilizational cornerstone. We have explored the deeper purpose of monogamy, not as a cultural relic but as a moral foundation that delivers greater meaning and dignity. We looked at the consequences of a culture prioritizing sexual freedom over commitment. And now, we arrive at the final and most urgent question: What comes next?
Though we have secured equality, the work is not over. The question before us is not whether LGBTQ individuals have the right to marry—but whether we, as a community and as a church, are willing to embrace the full responsibility that marriage entails. This is the unfinished work of marriage equality.
The Episcopal Church stands uniquely positioned—and morally obligated—to lead a profound renewal of sexual ethics and monogamous marriage within the LGBTQ community.
From the historic moment of Bishop Gene Robinson’s election—the first openly gay bishop in the nation’s oldest and most established church—this denomination’s destiny became permanently entwined with the aspirations and moral responsibilities of the LGBTQ community.
The Episcopal Church courageously led from the front, inviting same-sex couples into the sacrament, advocating vocally for marriage equality, and incorporating inclusive liturgies into the Book of Common Prayer. These actions solidified its role not merely as a place of worship but as a spiritual and moral home for countless LGBTQ individuals.
Yet, despite official recognition of same-sex marriage, the Church has largely remained silent on sexual ethics, specifically on monogamy within these marriages. This silence, while perhaps intended as pastoral sensitivity, now risks betraying the very community it pledged to support.
The Episcopal Church owes LGBTQ individuals more than mere recognition; it owes them the fullness of its spiritual and moral teachings. Monogamy remains the explicit standard for marriage within Episcopal doctrine—a standard the Church must reaffirm for same-sex couples to truly deliver on its promise of equality. Far from restrictive dogma, monogamy affirms human dignity by teaching us to see one another as irreplaceable rather than disposable. It deepens intimacy, fosters stability, and protects emotional and physical well-being, providing exactly the spiritual nourishment many LGBTQ individuals seek but do not find in the broader culture.
Moreover, embracing and advocating monogamy offers the Episcopal Church a compelling new mission at a time when it urgently needs renewal. Its extensive focus on broad social justice issues, while admirable, often leaves the Church’s core moral formation unattended. By boldly championing monogamy, the Episcopal Church could rediscover its prophetic voice, speaking directly to the lived experiences and moral struggles of its community. It would offer something uniquely transformative—something no other organization has the theological foundation or credibility to provide.
The Case for Urgent Stewardship
The need for this leadership is great: Three trends evidenced by the data below underscore the urgency of this mission:
The Commodification of Sex: Sex has become transactional, and nowhere is this more evident than in the LGBTQ community. While the public health consequences should alarm us all—STDs are skyrocketing, with gay and bisexual men experiencing infection rates over 100 times higher than heterosexuals for some diseases—this is merely a symptom of a deeper crisis. A pervasive hookup culture has stripped sex of intimacy and reduced human connection to fleeting encounters. We see it happening, yet we look away. The consequences are not just medical but moral, corroding the dignity of the individuals involved and eroding the foundations of meaningful relationships.
Retreat from Marriage: Marriage rates have been declining for decades, long before Obergefell, but given how hard we fought for marriage equality, many of us expected a stronger embrace of the institution itself. Instead, the data tell a different story: the marriage rate among same-sex couples has remained stagnant in the decade since we won the battle. Today, only one in ten lesbian, gay, and bisexual Americans are married—compared to 50% of the general population. If Episcopalians believe in the intrinsic value of marriage and the moral imperative of equity, this gap should be untenable.
Hyper-individualism: We live in a society fraying at the edges—deaths of despair are rising, and the Surgeon General has declared an epidemic of loneliness as deadly as smoking. When personal freedom and self-expression are prized above all else, the value of long-term commitment and mutual responsibility erodes, and our social bonds wither. Marriage and family are not just personal choices; they are the bedrock of societal trust and citizenship. They teach virtues—fidelity, responsibility, and mutual care—that make us capable of sustaining communities and, ultimately, civilization itself. The Church must stand against the relentless pursuit of novelty and self-gratification, offering a deeper, richer vision of love, duty, and belonging.
Three Pillars of Cultural Renewal
The Episcopal Church is called to reclaim its voice and lead a new cultural renewal within the LGBTQ community. To help address the challenges threatening an already vulnerable community, the Episcopal Church must boldly reclaim moral clarity around three foundational pillars:
Monogamy
Monogamy is the essential ethical foundation required. The Church must reaffirm explicitly and courageously that monogamy is the defining standard for marriage—not as a punitive constraint but as a profound recognition of human dignity and the irreplaceable worth of each individual. In a culture increasingly defined by transactional intimacy, this moral clarity can serve as a powerful counterweight, reorienting individuals toward relationships of lasting depth and genuine fulfillment.
Marriage
Marriage as a sacred and transformative institution provides the community with the structural foundation for renewal. Encouraging broader participation in marriage among same-sex couples is essential for both the community and the Church itself. The Episcopal Church must actively invite LGBTQ individuals to embrace marriage not only as a right but as a sacred covenant that transforms and deepens lives.
Family
Marriage is enriched with even greater meaning and purpose through family formation and the call to parenthood. Family life, and especially parenthood through adoption, should be embraced as a natural extension of marriage. By actively promoting and facilitating adoption and family formation among LGBTQ couples, the Episcopal Church affirms that the full meaning of marriage includes not just companionship but communal and generational responsibilities.
Six Missions for Cultural Renewal
By clearly articulating and courageously embodying the three foundational pillars—Monogamy, Marriage, and Family—the Episcopal Church can become a powerful force for cultural renewal, offering a compelling alternative to contemporary norms that diminish the sacredness of relationships.
Yet moral clarity alone is insufficient; we must also translate our principles into concrete, actionable commitments. The following Six Missions for Cultural Renewal outline tangible initiatives through which our Church can reclaim its prophetic voice, foster authentic spiritual growth, and transform lives within the LGBTQ community and beyond.
Leadership: The Episcopal Covenant on Monogamy – While the Episcopal Church has formally recognized and affirmed same-sex marriage, its official canonical and doctrinal stance on broader questions of sexual ethics remains largely undefined or ambiguous, with one notable exception. The 2005 document To Set Our Hope on Christ—prepared for the Anglican Consultative Council as a response to international controversy over LGBTQ inclusion—clearly affirms certain boundaries around sexual conduct, explicitly rejecting promiscuity and affirming the inherent dignity of committed, covenantal relationships. Despite this clear doctrinal reflection, the document holds no canonical authority within the Church’s official Constitution and Canons. Consequently, the Episcopal Church faces a significant gap between its theological reflections and canonical clarity, one that urgently requires addressing to provide genuine moral guidance and consistency around sexual ethics for LGBTQ parishioners. Therefore, the first and most important mission must be for the House of Bishops and/or General Convention to formally adopt and publicly proclaim a covenant reaffirming monogamy as the sacred standard for all marriages. Bishops would regularly speak on the covenant’s significance in sermons and pastoral letters, visibly demonstrating commitment by personally signing and promoting the covenant. Parishes could prominently display the covenant as a symbolic reminder of this shared commitment.
Formation: National Episcopal Monogamy Institute – Many LGBTQ individuals seeking marriage lack practical guidance for maintaining committed, monogamous relationships. To address this, robust educational and pastoral programs focused on monogamous relationship skills and spiritual growth must be developed. These programs would include structured workshops and retreats for couples at various stages of their relationships, offering skills like conflict resolution, open communication, and fostering intimacy. Additionally, this initiative would spearhead the creation of pre-marital monogamy discussion guides and other pastoral resources specifically tailored to LGBTQ couples, preparing them spiritually and practically for marriage.
Witness: Monogamy Champions – Visibility matters. The Church must actively share compelling stories of LGBTQ couples thriving in monogamous relationships to inspire and encourage others. This initiative would feature authentic and diverse representations of LGBTQ couples celebrating long-term commitment and navigating challenges successfully, presented through churches, LGBTQ organizations, and online platforms.
Community: Inclusive Family Formation Project – Family life, particularly through adoption, should be embraced as a natural extension and enrichment of marriage. The Episcopal Church can actively promote and facilitate family formation among LGBTQ couples by leveraging its extensive networks, such as Episcopal schools and adoption services, to provide targeted practical and spiritual support. Episcopal schools might explicitly prioritize admission and financial aid to LGBTQ families committed to monogamous relationships, visibly affirming that family creation is integral to marriage.
Evangelism: Episcopal Monogamy Advocacy and Outreach – Actively promoting a renewed sexual ethic through public engagement, advocacy, and partnerships with like-minded organizations, such as The Reformation Project. The Church should develop influential media campaigns, podcasts, and public forums emphasizing the benefits of monogamy and committed partnerships. Episcopal leaders might author pastoral letters, op-eds, or participate in public dialogues addressing the community on the pitfalls of hyper-individualism and promiscuity. Such messages, delivered with nuance and compassion, could spark constructive cultural conversations. By proactively engaging in the public sphere, the Episcopal Church ensures that its message—one that values community, fidelity, and dignity—is present and influential beyond church walls.
Healing and Pastoral Support: Episcopal Recovery Ministries – Many LGBTQ individuals carry emotional and spiritual wounds from participation in hookup culture or from trauma related to their sexuality and identity. The church can serve as a compassionate place for healing. This could involve creating support groups specifically for individuals who wish to move away from addictive hookup-app usage or compulsive sexual behavior, modeled after recovery ministries but without shaming sexuality itself. The Church could offer specialized recovery groups led by trained counselors or clergy, alongside mentorship programs pairing individuals with experienced couples. Online and printed materials would provide compassionate and practical guidance for recovery and healthier relationship patterns, reinforcing the Church's commitment to holistic pastoral care.
It’s Time for The Episcopal Church to Finish the Work of Making Marriage Equal
This is a pivotal moment. The LGBTQ community stands at a cultural crossroads: we have achieved extraordinary victories, yet many among us grapple quietly with loneliness, isolation, and the unfulfilled longing for lasting intimacy. Our relationships, made equal in the eyes of the law, now deserve to be equally meaningful, dignified, and spiritually enriching.
The Episcopal Church needs this mission as much as we need it. Amid institutional decline and uncertainty, the Church has the opportunity to reassert its moral and spiritual relevance by standing firmly for a deeper, more profound vision of human connection. Far from an oppressive restraint, monogamy is a liberating promise—a testament that every person is irreplaceable, every love irreplaceably precious.
We cannot let this moment pass quietly. Let us call on the Episcopal Church to fulfill its forgotten mission—to provide moral clarity and spiritual guidance to a community looking for more than acceptance. Our community deserves nothing less than the full realization of what equality promised—not merely equal rights, but the equal dignity and responsibility of marriage. The Episcopal Church must now step forward, leading boldly into a future defined by the sacred and transformative power of sacrificial love.
READY TO ADD YOUR NAME TO THE CALL TO ACTION?
By completing the form of support below, you are joining a growing call to the Episcopal Church to reaffirm monogamy, marriage, and family.
This is not a petition in the conventional sense. It is a commitment. A shared act of moral clarity. A public call to our Church to speak with courage and compassion in a culture that has forgotten what covenant means.
Your responses will remain confidential unless you choose otherwise.
Marriage After Equality: The Series
The Little Bishop Who Changed the World, A reflection on the Episcopal Church’s pivotal role in the marriage equality movement, beginning with the consecration of Gene Robinson, and why that historic courage must now be matched with moral clarity.
The Conservative Case: How Conservatives Won the Battle for Marriage Equality but Surrendered the War, An honest accounting of how marriage equality won by appealing to conservative values of commitment, stability, and responsibility—values now too often abandoned by the very movement that invoked them.
The Forgotten Vow A rigorous defense of monogamy as the core moral rule of marriage, structured as a simulated debate that confronts—and refutes—the most common objections to lifelong fidelity.
Monogamy: The Social Technology that Built Civilization reveals how monogamy has been essential to the values we cherish. Western civilization itself was shaped by monogamy, and as it erodes, we risk losing more than just an ideal of romantic exclusivity; we risk unraveling the social fabric that has sustained democracy, equality, and cooperation across generations.
The High Cost of Sexual Liberation A sobering meditation on what has happened since legal victory was won—arguing that marriage equality without moral responsibility has left the LGBTQ community vulnerable to isolation, exploitation, and cultural decay..